There’s a lot to be said about Stonehenge. Or maybe there isn’t. I wouldn’t know. I’m no expert. But if you held me at gunpoint and said I had to talk about Stonehenge or you’d blow my head off, I’m sure I could think of some things to say.
A lot of people think Stonehenge is a big mystery. Not me though. I get it. They probably didn’t have anything better to do. It was boring in ancient Europe, because there weren’t computers or cigarettes.
If you put me back in ancient times, I think I could reinvent the cigarette, or at least some sort of tube to smoke out of, but I’m not sure if I could invent a computer. I’d probably give up and wind up building a henge myself.
But people don’t just wonder why they built Stonehenge. They also wonder how. How did those simple people back then figure out how to get those rocks there? It’s probably because they were stronger than us. Or maybe they befriended some ancient apes, which were even stronger than modern day apes.
Some historians say Stonehenge could have been a sort of calendar. I don’t know what kind of calendars these historians are looking at, but I’ve never seen one made of rocks. So I think it’s safe to rule that one out.
One thing you might not know about Stonehenge is that it took over a thousand years to build. When I heard this, I thought, “I’ve gotta be thinking of the wrong henge.” But nope, putting all those rocks in that field took thousands of years. And to think, today we could probably build a better henge in just a few hundred.
There are Seven Wonders of the world, and Stonehenge isn’t one of them. I think that’s fair. Because when it comes to structures ancient people inexplicably built with heavy rocks, the pyramids are a lot better.
But others would argue that Stonehenge is better, because they like minimalism. To those people I would say, ah, whatever, the pyramids rule.
Another fun fact about Stonehenge is that it’s scary, because there were thousands of human bones buried around it. Usually when I find thousands of bones buried somewhere, I take off running because I don’t want to get haunted by a skeleton. And I don’t go telling people around the world they should visit the haunted bone field like the World Heritage Centre does. But to each their own.
I tried to think of a few ways to improve Stonehenge, but to be honest I’m at a loss. I think it just is what it is. Maybe putting a bar in there could be good, but that’s the best I could think of.
I can’t wait to see what type of henge we’ll end up creating that will baffle future people. Maybe we’ll make Plastic Henge or Computer Henge. Whatever it is, I want to make sure my bones are buried under it.
