posts

"The owner told me I could have a glass of apple cider. It seemed like kind of a crummy prize. Was it at least spiked? He said no because kids drink the cider too. As if a kid couldn’t appreciate a nice glass of spiked cider."

"The owner told me I could have a glass of..."

"When I first got a place in the jungle, I realized there weren’t any outlets to plug my cool electronics into. I checked everywhere, even under a gross old log. But I couldn’t find a single outlet."

"When I first got a place in the jungle, I..."

"The testing people said I’d make a good henchman for two reasons. First, like I said, the test was kinda hard for me and I didn’t know what any of the questions were trying to ask. They said most non-henchmen people know what the questions are asking them."

"The testing people said I’d make a good henchman for..."

"A good way to find a pirate is to look for the guys at a tavern with bad teeth. Unfortunately, pretty much everyone in the taverns has bad teeth. We don’t really care about things like oral hygiene in the 1600s."

"A good way to find a pirate is to look..."