posts

"Finally I stood up on the coffee table and made an out-of-character announcement. I yelled, “I’m a mummy.” I expected some “ohhh’s” as people finally understood, but the only person who said anything was Ron. He said, 'Get off my coffee table.'"

"Finally I stood up on the coffee table and made an..."

"So last Halloween I couldn’t remember if the phrase “like taking candy from a baby” meant something was really easy or really hard. I don’t have kids so I didn’t really have a scope of reference on how strong or clever babies are."

"So last Halloween I couldn’t remember if the phrase “like taking..."

"Imagine being greeted at the spring by a scary shadow guy in a hooded robe. Where did he come from? Imagine he has a voice that sounds just like yours. Imagine he is saying words that sort of sound like English, but more like some sort of evil version of English."

"Imagine being greeted at the spring by a scary shadow guy..."

"She’s got a good head on her shoulders. Like sometimes I’ll ask her to go see a movie with me, and she’ll curse me. She’s always saying moving pictures are witchcraft and if we watch one we’ll receive eternal damnation."

"She’s got a good head on her shoulders. Like sometimes I’ll..."