posts
10 terrible wishes i made to my genie
8 Dec 202210 terrible wishes i made to my genie
8 Dec 2022"I’ll rub just about any lamp I come across. I’ll rub a desk lamp, a floor lamp, a lava lamp–I even get up and rub my TV before a Pixar movie just in case there’s a genie hiding in that one."
"I’ll rub just about any lamp I come across. I’ll rub..."
the time the 1940s mafia invaded my hometown
1 Dec 2022the time the 1940s mafia invaded my hometown
1 Dec 2022"After that, I decided to muscle my way past them. The only problem was that the guys were very strong, and I was very covered in spaghetti and I kept getting sauce in my eyes."
"After that, I decided to muscle my way past them."
my dna isn't all that great
24 Nov 2022my dna isn't all that great
24 Nov 2022"I feel like when I was a baby, there wasn’t much instilled in my DNA at all. A baby parrot can probably speak English. You can barely even hold a conversation with a human baby, and if you do it won’t be very engaging I’ll tell you that much."
"I feel like when I was a baby, there wasn’t much..."
top 10 worst gnomes in my apartment
17 Nov 2022top 10 worst gnomes in my apartment
17 Nov 2022"But sometimes things are just out of your control. Sometimes you sign a lease without thinking, and there you are, stuck living in a gnome-infested apartment for the next two years."
"But sometimes things are just out of your control. Sometimes you..."
a conversation between two guys writing the first american history textbook
10 Nov 2022a conversation between two guys writing the first american history textbook
10 Nov 2022"Well, here we are in the 1800s. I think it’s about time we write the first American History textbook. I think that’s a swell idea. That way schoolchildren can learn about the major events that led to the development of our country."
"Well, here we are in the 1800s. I think it’s..."